worthless words

I've spent the last two days in a fog when it comes to time with the Lord. I've been anxious, guilt-ridden, and just plain tired. Today I attempted to spend time with the Lord and, yet again, I feel this unsettled, unfocused, just not-good feeling. I had tried everything - worship music, reading scripture, praying. Finally, I just said, "Holy Spirit, show me what to pray." Immediately, repentance started flowing. Now, I had already asked God to show me my sin today and on the two days prior, but I guess I wasn't paying attention or just not wanting to see. The Holy Spirit brought me right out. I had uttered worthless, not worthy, words.

Last Thursday, I received a word from the Lord for someone else. I stewed over this all weekend and wasn't sure if I would actually share it. Finally, on Monday it was evident that I should and so I did. Here's the problem: after I shared the message, this person asked me a question, and I didn't give a straight answer. Actually, I lied. The question was something like, "How did you know to be praying for me?" Well, the truth is that someone told me to but what I said was, "I don't know" and something like "the Lord put you on my heart." I didn't want to betray the person's confidence who had asked me to pray, but that wasn't all. The truth is that the Word that I had received was so heavy that I thought it would somehow diminish my credibility if I hadn't just somehow miraculously known to be praying for this person. It was a glory thing. A pride thing. A faith thing. A sin thing.

Well, not only did the Holy Spirit bring me out and cause me to confess to the Lord, I also had to call this person and confess.

So, the fog is gone; the anxiety is gone. I still feel icky, but that's my own stuff.

The funny thing is, yesterday I was trying to work on a study for Roots and I just couldn't make it happen. I had this scripture that the Lord had given me a while back and I couldn't do anything with it. I asked the Lord if I was missing something; I sat and stared at it for quite a while and nothing. Want to guess what the scripture was? Jeremiah 15:19

"If you repent, I will restore you

that you may serve me;

if you utter worthy, not worthless, words,

you will be my spokesman."



Lesson learned, Lord. If I'm told to say something, I should say it exactly as it is - no fillers, no hidden stuff - just Your words. I'm thinking, say it right or don't say it all.

Thank you Holy Spirit for always being straight with me.

-Amy